One of Those Days
by Painted Orchid
Summary: A humorous, totally AU oneshot fic in which my brain was kidnapped by a cracky plotbunny. In which there's ten and a nine and no one knows who anyone is until the end. Read for giggles, it isn't designed to make sense. Just don't think about it too hard.


**AN- Please no one judge me for this… A friend suggested working with a fanfic AU in order to practice my characterization as two of my characters for some of my original fiction are vaguely similar to the characters in this piece. So any OOCness can be attributed to that, because these characters are written exactly as I intended. I have no idea where this plotbunny came from. I blame lack of caffeine. It shall not happen again.**

 **HOWEVER- I still do not own Doctor Who or its characters. I was simply borrowing, tweaking, and playing around with them, to get a feel for that type of personality with characters I'm already familiar with. Not mine.**

She opened the door, poking her head outside, and frowning. Her TARDIS hadn't been incredibly cooperative in the landing, and she knew it was partially because it had crashed. That didn't help her mood any. It still meant she was stuck on whatever planet she'd happened upon, and the fact that her TARDIS was down for the count meant that she would have to lie low for a bit. Which, granted, was a profile she preferred to keep to- that didn't mean it was something she was alright with.

She sighed and stepped out of the doors, propping herself against them, arms crossed against her leather jacket and scowl on her face. Just outside of a cutesy residential human area. Must be on a planet colonized by humans then. It certainly couldn't be Earth, no zeppelins and the turn of the planet felt all wrong. It was very similar though- whoever had chosen this planet had done quite the good job making it look like Earth. An odd sound, similar to that of her TARDIS, but more of a whooshing grate than a squealing creak, sounded behind her and she turned around. It couldn't be- another TARDIS was materializing beside her own. She could tell by the telepathic signature. She stiffened and stepped away from it, shooting a glance between the blue police call box and her own red telephone box. It was impossible.

She was the last- all the others had died in the War. And there was no way it was a past or future version of herself; her TARDIS couldn't change its form anymore. Despite the stiff, aggressive posture she was taking up in preparation for whoever was about to exit this new TARDIS, she really did want to see who it was. She was curious, she'd admit it, even though that was liable to be her downfall. As the door to the blue TARDIS began to open, she shot a glance at her own TARDIS, wondering if she should move a little closer to it in case she had to make a quick escape, and then a man darted out of the door, coat flapping behind him and to her side two bounding strides. So much for the escape plan, she thought with a barely restrained grimace.

The newcomer looked at her with an unreadable expression, his brown hair flying up over his head and hands in the pockets of his long brown trenchcoat. They studied each other for a moment, both avoiding the mental contact that they craved but refused to engage in, even though it meant neither was the last anymore. Finally, he finished looking her up and down, which was quite frankly making her uncomfortable though she didn't show it except to fix him with a hard, glaring look. His face unexpectedly widened into a bright, toothy grin, although his eyes retained the pained, reserved look she knew was reflected in her own eyes.

"Hello there. I think you know what I am, and I think I know what you are, so the better question is, who are you and what are you doing here?" his words should have sounded frantic, at the speed he spat them out, but they simply flowed from his lips and she found herself closing down further. No one was going to get any information from her, charming or not.

"I ought to ask you the same," she snapped back, arching a single black eyebrow. She watched his every movement, trying to figure out as much as she could as an expression of surprise crossed his face. Observation was survival. She'd learned that after over 900 years. When he still didn't speak, she grew uneasy. She didn't like attention on her. "What?"

"Its just… your accent," he said, blinking. She frowned, he was one to talk, posh Estuary accent and all. He rushed on at her expression, "You've got a northern accent."

"Lots of planets have a north," she snorted, noting the shock that crossed his face as she said it. Rassilon, she couldn't even begin to understand this strange Time Lord. At least, she hoped he was a Time Lord. Time to distract him from his odd fascination with her. She deserved answers more than he did. She was here first.

"You are a Time Lord, correct?" she asked bluntly, wanting to get this whole thing over with before his chocolate eyes drew her in any further. She was a Time Lady, and stupid ape-like feelings of lust and desire didn't apply to her. Ever.

"Yep," he said, popping the 'p,' something she couldn't decide whether she found it cute or annoying as hell. "So you _are_ a Time Lady? I thought after so long alone I was losing my bloody mind," he said, voice light, but eyes showing the relief that wasn't reflected in his voice. She understood, of course she did; they must've both thought themselves the last of their kind. They weren't anymore. _Not_ that they were going to repopulate the universe or anything. She shuddered and wondered where her thoughts were taking her.

"Obviously," she drawled, accentuating her northern accent a little more than she might usually since he'd made a point to comment on it," this time he didn't seem as affected by it, and she was almost disappointed. Oh well. She'd keep badgering him for information then. Taking a step or two closer, she kept her eyes on the Time Lord, always ready to run. He wouldn't be able to catch her, even though he did have long legs. Running was all she ever did- running across the universe, away from all her mistakes, and destruction, and everything. Just as she was trying to figure out how to ask him why she couldn't sense him before, he reached out a hand to brush the edge of her leather jacket. She immediately jerked away, catching his wrist with one arm and holding the other up in a fist.

"Oi! What was that for?" she hissed, uncomfortable with the idea and sensation of anyone touching any part of her. She hadn't regenerated very long ago and the sense of touch in this body was a little more bristly than before. It probably had something to do with how much she'd lost and the plain fact that she'd rather not find anything else to lose. He looked apologetic, and tried to tug his sleeve from her grip.

"You should probably let go of me. Janis Joplin gave me this coat, and I'm rather attached to it," he said slowly, brown eyes fixed on her ice-blue ones. She'd caught a glimpse of them in a mirror a while back, along with the jet-black pixie cut that had left her with the sinking regret that she was not, in fact, ginger yet.

"Why'd you reach for my jacket, first?" she retorted, still holding onto his sleeve. He gave her a look between a pout and exasperation before his face returned to its solemn, neutral mask.

"It just looked like something I used to wear is all. I had a leather phase in a past regeneration," he paused, and she knew he was dying to ask. She waited. "This is normally incredibly taboo, I know, but seeing as we're the last two left, I don't think it matters. If you don't mind, how many…. which regeneration are you on?" And there it was. She contemplated not answering, it was quite personal after all, and then decided that it wasn't really _trusting_ him. It was simply feeling out the last member of her species other than herself.

"Nine." He raised his eyebrows, but she simply narrowed her eyes at him before he could chip in some remark and fish for more information. "And you? Only fair, isn't it, that you tell me."

"Ten," he replied, only hesitating for a moment. They stared at each other for a moment, simply taking in the other for a what seemed like a long time. Then, he bounded over to her TARDIS, and she could let out a breath and relieve her respiratory bypass. This body, she had learned, was incredibly uncomfortable around others. And she was okay with that, because it meant that no one would get close to her-no one would get hurt. She'd only taken the one companion, and that was an exception for the woman who'd saved her life and Earth quite a few times and become her best friend.

"Your TARDIS is different. She seems to be running on a different sort of energy than mine, and has suffered quite a bit in her crash here. Are you aware she isn't refueling properly?" he asked, frowning. She immediately squared her shoulders and stomped over beside him, reveling in the sound of her combat boots against the hard-packed soil.

"I am aware. I only landed here a moment before you did, as you were obviously tracking my Artron energy. As for the fuel problem… I'm not sure. She doesn't seem to be compatible with it here for some reason. What planet am I on?" she asked, hating to receive any sort of assistance from anyone- particularly this maniac.

"Earth," he said, pulling out a sonic screwdriver that resembled hers so much it scared her. She decided not to mention it and resolved to keep hers tucked in the pocket of her jeans until he was gone. Focusing on the current dilemma that wasn't making sense, she strode up to his side as he scanned her TARDIS.

"But it can't be. I spend a lot of time on Earth. This isn't the same planet. It's just not. There are details missing, technology differences, and I _know_ I'm in the right century. _This time_ ," she muttered under her breath, earning a raised eyebrow from him. It did make her smile, a little, before she realized her mask was slipping and wiped it from her face. "I know what Earth feels like. This isn't it." She really shouldn't have been surprised when he turned and began sonicing her, almost nose to nose, waving the blue-tipped piece of whirring silver up and down her body as he stared into her eyes with an intense expression as if he could divine the answers from their depths. Swallowing hard and trying to keep her emotional distance despite the lack of physical distance, she struggled to remind herself that she couldn't trust him. She couldn't trust anyone.

"Got it! You are from a parallel universe!" he said triumphantly, leaning away and- she hoped- not noticing her relieved sigh at the return of her personal space. And then her curiosity won out over the instincts warning her to keep herself as far from this distracting, unknown Time Lord as possible.

"That's not possible," she frowned, although she had to admit his statement about parallel universes would explain a great deal. Particularly how they had never realized they weren't the last anymore. His grin drooped a little, and she really did feel sorry for whatever memory was torturing him, even if she didn't show it.

"Impossible is relative. Although… what is entirely possible is that your TARDIS was able to travel because mine was in a similar location across the void, pulling you safely; er, mostly, through," he looked downcast, and even though she wasn't fond of contact, she knew that he needed it as much as she did sometimes, and slipped her hand into his.

"Whoever you lost, I'm very sorry. I know that expression all too well," she broke off, not certain what to say beyond that. He merely nodded, eyes brooding but grateful, and gave her hand a squeeze. They held gazes a moment longer than perhaps necessary, before she pulled away and cleared her throat.

"So, any chance you can help my TARDIS get off the ground so that I can get back to my universe? We don't' belong here. I can feel it," at the stricken look on his face, she flinched a little, trying to ignore the twinge of pain in her heart as it reminded her what she'd lost. "Can't you feel it too?"

"'Course. It's just… there's no one left. Just one of us in each universe, right?" he said slowly. She looked away.

"Yeah. One to protect each, right?" She said with a sad smile. He gave her another long look, and slowly nodded.

"Every universe needs a Time Lord- or Lady. I guess that means we better get your TARDIS up and running. I can give it a boost from mine, they're already close enough. Allons-y!" he shouted, voice gaining a bright, false cheer to it that made her force a large grin onto her face. They both knew it was fake but it gave him the encouragement he needed to dart into his TARDIS and start flipping switches and levers. She could hear him from outside, and there was a brief moment when she didn't want to go. She could escape her past here, start over, and not have to worry about the responsibility of thousands of lives and hundreds of hard decisions. Then she recalled that she had a passenger on board, her sleepy companion who would surely want to return to her family, even if she had come with her to get away from the drudgery of a boring human life. It was enough to remind her that she had no choice but to go back. The selfish, tired part of her truly wanted to win out, but since when had her happiness ever mattered. She was a Time Lady, the Lonely Goddess, and it was time for her to return to her universe.

She saw her TARDIS glow suddenly with a blue burst of Artron energy, and even though it was a little less purple than that of her world, she heard her TARDIS hum strongly in her mind and inform her that it would tide them over until they returned to their home universe. The Time Lord with the brown hair and brown coat bounded out of his TARDIS, gait jerky with regret and smile obviously forced. She gave a fake one of her own.

"Your TARDIS is all ready to go. Guess you'll be off to your own universe then." He had bounced to her side, and apparently hadn't realized he'd taken her hand and was looking down at her with sad eyes. The melted chocolate look was, quite frankly irresistible, and as inappropriate a time as it was, she figured what the hell. They were the last ones. They'd never see each other again. They never should've met in the first place.

So she kissed him.

It wasn't the greatest kiss, not that she had a ton of experience, except for her and her companion getting out of hairy situations by seducing their captors- when being female helped. But this was nice. It was warm and sweet, and over quickly, as chaste as she'd wanted it to be. She slipped her hand from his and gave him a real smile now, hoping it would encourage him to find something to bring the light that she'd glimpsed here and there back into his eyes. He looked so lonely.

"Do you travel with anyone?" she asked, stepping towards her own TARDIS, who was informing her that her own companion was awakening. Uh-oh. Time to go. She'd be incredibly annoyed if she found out she'd crashed and almost gotten them stuck in a parallel universe. He gave a sad shake of his head.

"Not since… a close friend of mine was lost to me. She had to go and I can't… I can't see her again," he said with a sigh, although as his eyes fell on their side-by-side TARDISes he seemed to think of something that made his eyes burn a little brighter.

"You should find someone. I have a companion, a human woman I picked up on Earth. She's a good friend, and while she's got a busy life to get back to, it's nice to have someone. Just promise me you'll find someone, alright?" she asked, not sure if she should say anything else. She really should leave, it was already hard. This was why she didn't' form attachments. Too domestic.

"I will. Promise," he nodded to her, and took a step forward, seemingly involuntarily even as she opened the door to her TARDIS. Her companion was up, she could hear her coming through the kitchen. She really needed to go. Any moment now she'd be coming into the console room. And yet she lingered.

"You know what? Meeting you? It was fantastic," she said with a wild grin, stepping fully into the TARDIS. A shouted question made her pause, however, and she popped her head out the door one last time.

The Doctor looked at the strange, oddly familiar woman he'd met. He wasn't the last, and even though she'd be yet another person trapped in another universe, he had that knowledge to comfort him. Maybe he could even figure out how to lock onto her TARDIS signature and try to piggyback the signal into Pete's World, or… No. he had to stop. He looked up as she stepped into her TARDIS and shouted back at him, and at the familiar words his hearts almost stopped.

"Wait! Wait! What's your name?" he asked, disbelieving that he hadn't even asked. She seemed surprised as well, but also distracted, listening to something inside her red phone box. It was a female voice, she'd mentioned she had a companion. He tried to listen, not sure why but feeling like he should.

"It's the Doctor," she said, as she slipped fully in and as he tried to wrap his brain around this, he heard a voice that made his heart stop, asking where the tea mugs were from inside the red phone box. He never thought he'd hear her again, but he'd recognize her anywhere. Rose.

"Wait! Er, Doctor! Stop! ROSE!" but the TARDIS had already begun its dematerialization sequence, and soon all that was left was the Doctor and his blue police public call box. Rose had been there. Right there. And instead he'd bene distracted by the other Time Lady, who's name was also Doctor. It was quite odd really, she reminded him of himself quite a bit, with the leather and fantastic and everything. Even her appearance, though she was obviously female, she'd had black hair, blue eyes, and a funny looking nose. Quite a lot like his ninth form actually. Come to think of it, she'd said she was on her ninth form. The Doctor stopped breathing, and wasn't even sure if his hearts were still beating. No. No, no, no, NO. He fell against the side of his TARDIS in shock and disgust.

He'd just snogged, or rather, been snogged, by his parallel self. And meanwhile, he could've gone in and taken Rose from his parallel self and snogged her. The Doctor decided right then that this was one of the worst days of his very long life.

 **AN- I said this was a bit odd… First crackfic everyone! I blame the influence of my friends. I do have to say though, fem!nine has grown on me throughout the writing of this fic. She's a saucy one, and I couldn't resist the Rose moment, because why not. For anyone interested in my other stories, I'll probably update Seeking the Light this weekend. My second horse had to be put to sleep just this past week after a very traumatic and sudden onset of colic. I've only been able to get some semblance of normality back in my life now, and simply haven't felt like doing anything.**


End file.
